Mental Health and Trauma Blog | Noisy
I already know this is going to be a controversial topic, it will split the readers and that's fine. We are all entitled to our opinion, you can agree or disagree with my views, but do it respectfully.
I am in an age gap relationship, the fact society calls it an age gap relationship annoys me though, why can't we just be classed as a relationship like those couples who are closer in age? Anyway, back to the point. I have always been in age gap relationships, I know the reasons why my brain is attracted to an older man which I won't go into on this post, but if you want to know the story and psychology behind it then let me know and I can write a separate post on it.
I know there will be some reading this saying to themselves "How do you know you're not attracted to people your own age if you've never been in a similar age relationship?"
Let me explain.
I come with a lot of baggage. I've had a difficult life to say the least. And although I've done a lot of work on myself to heal and grow, I'm still a work in progress. To be honest everyone should be a work in progress, you should always be growing, learning, and improving. To simply understand the complexity of my trauma, let alone live with it and help me heal from it, takes a LOT of emotional maturity. Men (in general) mature at a much slower rate than women. Mentally, and emotionally a man my age will not be as mature as I am. They lack the emotional maturity that I want and need in a relationship. That's not saying all maturer men have emotional maturity, they don't. It's a mixture of life experiences and personal growth.
Speaking of life experiences, they play a huge part in this too. I have a lot of them, many of them in my past are negative but I have learned from them. Regardless of them being positive of negative life experiences I've had more than what most people get in a lifetime and I'm not even thirty. A man my age couldn't relate, even if they had emotional maturity, we wouldn't be on the same page and couldn't relate to each other when it came to life experiences, past traumas, life lessons etc. I'd feel like we were growing at different rates.
Although not by any means the most important, but still a factor is physical attraction.
Just to be clear I am in a committed relationship, so when I talk about attraction to men older than me I am referencing him. I am extremely loyal, once I'm in a committed relationship I don't so much as notice other men, let alone find myself attracted to them.
I am attracted to every part of him. He's strong, he's got lines on his face which gives him that manly look. His hands make mine look and feel tiny, and when I'm with him I feel safe. The dark circles under his eyes I absolutely adore. The little bit of grey in his beard is a turn on. The scars, big or small, on his body remind me of the life he has lived, and I love to look at them and feel them. The way he holds me hits different. And while keeping this as PG as possible, the sex is off the charts. The way his clothes fit, the way his body feels, it's all absolute perfection to me. This isn't just a mental attraction, it's most definitely a physical one too. It's a chemical reaction in my brain, it's sparks flying, I can't control that.
Finally, and when I say finally this isn't the last point, I could write about this for hours, these are just the most crucial points that come to mind as I'm writing this post. My goals and what I want from life are vastly different from a man my age.
I also need to add a little side note that saying "man" when referring to someone my age doesn't feel right. I don't see them as a man the way I see my boyfriend as a man. He's in his 50's, in my mind he is a fully grown man.
Back to my last point, I have lived an extreme life and with the drugs and dealing came the partying, drinking, binging, and pushing my body to its absolute limit. Not to say all men my age wants that, but they’re not settling down at my age, they're wanting to drink excessively, party, and enjoy themselves. I'm not in any way saying that's a terrible thing, it's just not something I want to do now even though I'm the same age as them. I've done all of that, to the excess, I don't want that anymore. My goals relate much more to a man that is older than me than a man that is my age.
I do understand the most common concern that can come along with an age gap relationship. The one I hear repeatedly is manipulation. The argument being that the older person in the relationship could manipulate the younger. The younger person doesn't have as much life experience and relationship experience to protect themselves from manipulation. That could happen in any relationship, and it does. Anyone with the wrong intentions can manipulate the person they're in a relationship with, age isn't a factor in that. As long as two adults are in a consenting, safe relationship then it isn't anyone else's business. You're entitled to your own opinions, but unless asked don't share them and comment on other people's relationships. I have noticed the people who do comment on relationships that don't concern them usually have an unhealthy relationship themselves.
In short, mind your business. Age is just a number. This is the fight of your life. - Noisy
If you find this blog post helpful, and would like to support me in the work that I do, you can support me by clicking on the coffee cup to the left, or clicking the link below. If you know someone who would find this blog helpful, please share via social media channels or send them a link directly, it could make all the difference.
Thank you!